my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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