Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
