I hate your face
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
