dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
