Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
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