We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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