It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
