He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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