I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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