i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
