normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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