Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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