Hey man sorry I got all grabby
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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