Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
