Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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