oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
