im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
