theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
