Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
