she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
