I think I won the penis lottery.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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