I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
