Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
