the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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