He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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