your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
