I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
