I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
