what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
