i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
