dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think i have two assholes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
