I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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