I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to make a zoo with you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
