my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
