Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize