i already hear my dad disowning me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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