You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
