they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
