3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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