What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
