You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
