we have pet lesbian snakes
we made out on top of his cat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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