TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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