you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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