My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
