apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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