Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
