What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You made out with two different species that night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
