I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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