Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
