Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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