they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
