You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
