Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
