Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
