literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
