ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
