dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
