She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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