Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
