Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
