That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
