Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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