i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
