Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
