He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
