its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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