chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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