this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
