Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
