i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
