my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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