You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
