i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
