id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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