I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
