Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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