I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
