Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
