please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
