Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
