the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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