I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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